I’m not old. Not in the grand scheme of things. I’m in my mid/late 20s and all things considered, there’s a whole lot left for me to do in this lifetime. But I feel like I’ve already learned quite a lot, as far as “how to live your life comfortably” is concerned, and I feel like sharing some of this insight, mostly because if anyone can take even a little bit away from this post, then I’m being helpful. I like being helpful.
So here we go. Things I’ve learned — and am still learning, in some cases — in my 20-something years of living.
Friendships end. You’ll have to let go of people now and then. You’ll grow apart, the relationship will become unhealthy, the meaning of love might change for one or both of you. It happens. There are a lot of things that make it hard to let go of people. Long histories, millions of memories, dirty secrets… all these things make it difficult to let go of a friend, particularly if they’re someone you’ve considered a very close or even a best friend in your lifetime. The thing is that people change. The girl you grew up sharing all your secrets with might have developed into a woman with whom you have nothing in common. I have to admit, this is a lesson I’m still learning. There are people who only recently fell out of my life, one way or another, and I will tell you, sometimes it hurts a lot. But what hurts more is desperately hanging onto something that’s effectively dead. It’s only prolonging the inevitable, and the harder you cling, the harder it is to maintain what little might be left, strangely enough. Plus, you never know: maybe the drifting apart is the temporary thing. You have a whole lifetime ahead of you.
You have to plan your free time. Between having a job and seeing your friends, plus any additional stuff you’ve taken on (for me, it’s graduate school), you’ll find yourself with just about no free time at all. You have to make room for it. If you want your weekends free, you have to cram everything into the other five days of the week. Trust me, it’s difficult, and if you wait for free time to just happen it’s never going to happen for you.
You don’t need that thing you think you need. I’ve gone over five years now without that thing that everyone seems to think they can’t live without: a car. I have a drivers’ license, and on occasion I borrow a family member’s car if I need to, but I have managed a pretty sweet life in Atlanta without a car. And this applies to everything. Shoes, purses, concert tickets. I have become a pro at talking myself out of buying things (I’m currently working on “No, T., you don’t need those gorgeous Fluevogs, they’re $255 and that’s ridiculous”).
Love is all the things people say it is. That is to say, love can be painful, love can be amazing, and most of all, love has the ability through all manner of life situation to take the edge off and comfort you. Here’s where I crack my chest open for you guys for a second.
My grandpa is dying. As of this morning he’s been made comfortable, he’s been taken off his antibiotics because they’re no longer doing a thing to help him, and his breathing has become labored. It’s probably a matter of days and he’ll be gone. This is the first grandparent I’ve ever lost, and I know I’m a lucky person to have made it to my age with all four grandparents at all. But what makes me far more lucky than that is the support system I have. My family is incredibly tight-knit. I have an incredible boyfriend who blows my mind almost daily with how much I can feel for one person and how all those feelings I’m feeling are reflected right back at me from him. I have a roommate who heard the news and went into “occupy my mind” mode, taking me out on a “these are a few of my favorite things” evening of book shopping and sushi. Throughout this ordeal of sadness and heartbreak I have never once felt lost or hopelessly alone, and for that I have the love of my incredible friends and family to thank.
So yeah. Love. It’s everything it’s cracked up to be and so much more. While the love I have for my grandpa is currently tearing my heart in two, the love I feel from everyone else around me is working simultaneously to keep me in one piece. And let me tell you one more thing: that’s how I know I’m alive.
I like this post because I’ve reflected this way as well. I have learned a LOT about friendships. I haven’t really spoken to my best friend in almost two years except for last November when our dear mutual friend was passing away.. I think one day we will connect but in a different way. She has many things to work out and I have things to do in life. It’s healthier this way.
I’m sorry for your grandpa, Teija. My friend Richard was taken off everything and just given medication as well in November because there was nothing they could do. I saw him a half an hour before he passed away. On one hand, I’m sad I lost my friend. On the other hand, I felt relief when I heard he passed away that quickly and didn’t have to suffer anymore. When someone is sick for a while, I think we already become prepared for the grief. Or rather, already started that process.
My thoughts are with you.
It’s so true what you say, sometimes friendships end and it isn’t always permanently. You may reconnect later on in life, and that’s a wonderful thing. Though sometimes you just become so different and you end up clinging on or continuing to try when you know you have nothing in common anymore and it’s frustrating. I went through that this past August/September with my best friend form junior high. We tried reconnecting after years of “we should really hang out sometime!” Needless to say we’re just too different now.
Love is a many splendid thing! You know how sorry I am about your grandfather. But you’re a tough one tough cookie. I know you’ll pull through.
Btw, those Fluevogs? SO PRETTY. And pfft, a car. It’s so annoying living in a city where people look at you in shock and amazement when you tell them you’re 26 and without a license/car. I have legs.